Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom