can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
