What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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