i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just googled if crying burns calories
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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