He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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