After last night, I could never be a politician.
where does the pee come out of this thing
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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