Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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