dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
