school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
