I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
