I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
