I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
