I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
