I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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