Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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