and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
