Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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