hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
