He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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