Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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