He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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