As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
