how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
