May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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