I wish I could punch you in the face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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