I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
