There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
