That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
