He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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