I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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