i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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