There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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