just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
