I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
