Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
