She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
