I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
