i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
