i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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