Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now

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(443): View more from Maryland

this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

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(559): View more from California

Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston

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(813): View more from Florida

$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.

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(206): View more from Washington

What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

(425): View more from Washington

Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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(303): View more from Colorado

he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

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(925): View more from California

I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.

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