I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Congratulations! We have a period
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
