im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have aggressive nipples.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
