im drinking this country out of the recession.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
