I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think my vagina is haunted
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
