my mouth tastes like poor choices
Small penises have feelings too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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