It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
