I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
