Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
