I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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