Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need a beard to bite.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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