the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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