Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
