He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize