Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
