So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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