Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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