her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
