cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
