Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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