so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The struggles of a small town man whore
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
