Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
